Most of us have heard the terrible word-smash ‘Bridezilla,’ and stories about brides leaving a trail of hurt feelings in pursuit of their perfect wedding. It’s the sort of thing that gets printed in the magazines they have in waiting rooms or, perhaps, used as a plot in a Hollywood film aimed at the hard-of-thinking. It’s a stereotype that seems to have stuck and, any bride that wants something specific seems to be stuck with it at some point.
I’m not suggesting this is ever a deserved term. I think it’s horrible. Personally, I have never met a bride so obsessed with their wedding they made it miserable for anyone else, but I’ve never met one that was clueless about any aspects of their own wedding, either. Brides just seem to know what they do, and don’t, want, but stop well short of putting undue pressure on anyone to do something they don’t want to do (parents of the bride can be a different story, but that’s possibly for another blog post).
So, rock-on brides. You know what you want and you work towards it.
What about the groom? Why has Hollywood never done a film about a groom leaving a trail of emotional, and physical, carnage in from their obsession for a perfect wedding? Why don’t I read stories about them at the dentist? Why have we never heard the term ‘Groomzilla?’
The only representation the groom seems to get is on programmes like ‘Don’t tell the bride.’ For those that haven’t seen it, an organizationally challenged young man gets his mates to help him plan (in order of his priorities) the stag night, wedding day, and hen night. To crank up the tension, they have a modest budget and not enough time. The guys are usually fairly useless, but they do their best (bless them). Once they realise the enormity of the task, the groom is like rabbit in the headlights. You’re left with the impression that organising weddings is not a ‘bloke’ thing.
‘Blokes can’t organise a wedding’ is another horrible stereotype.
There are occasions when the bride knows her wedding ideas are well before the groom realises ideas may be required. Because we’re constantly reminded that weddings aren’t a ‘bloke thing,’ the groom often seem happy to go along with the plan (probably helping to confirm the stereotypes in the process).
If there’s something you really want (or don’t want) at your wedding, regardless of which side of the isle you’ll be standing, you have to make sure your partner knows. You also have to be prepared to organise it.
One of the best weddings I’ve been involved with (playing guitar for The Spiderz) wanted to avoid any recorded music: everything had to be played live! Such a simple idea that made for a very memorable day.
I’ve no idea if the idea came from the bride or groom.
If you have similar ideas, I know some guys who can help.
Origins of ‘Bridezilla’ can be looked at here. I think Diane White of the Boston Globe has a lot to answer for!